It was March 25th, 2011. The week before this incident I ruined a threesome, a week before that a squirrel (rabid I assume) broke into my apartment and wrecked havoc on my psyche, so I had been having a pretty solid string of great stories. I had told myself I was going to take it easy that night, kind of recoup myself and get back on level ground. This just also happened to be the night my good pal Katie Huckins was back in town, so that night of taking it easy would have to wait.
I met Katie and her friend Jeanette downtown for a few beers, and before I know it my liver's best friend Ben Gilmore is on his way down. The prospectus for this night turning wild was becoming very, very real. Unfortunately for us it wasn't going to be the wild, booze, clothes free, confetti, beach ball, and ponies type fun we were hoping for. As the night wore on it became apparent that we should just meet up with everyone at Jeanette's place for after hours instead of wasting our time at the bars which were awfully dead. The four of us stop by Jake's to grab a case and head to the car. Ben and I hop in the back seat, the girls up front. As we leave downtown we start heading down 15th street towards Jeanette's down near the capitol. As we are driving down the one way street we come to a stop. Next two us are two classy looking gentlemen in wife beaters and sideways Raider hats.
Now what do girls do when they drink? 1) Make bad decisions. 2) Sing. So Katie, in the passenger seat, starts singing a slow jam out the window towards these "bros". They, like the intelligent men they were, took this as fighting words. I told Katie not to do what she did, but she smashed the gas when the light turned green. White trash to my right tries to pass us, not realizing that their lane was ending. They hit the curb going pretty quickly and ramp up and into a sign. Katie hits the breaks. I laugh uncontrollably. They hear me. I am now white trash target numero uno. FML.
The next five to ten minutes was literally insane. We drove down neighborhood streets at 60mph, taking turns at 40, and we were literally rammed once or twice. Ben calls 911 as soon as possible, trying to give them our location. They were less than helpful. We pulled up next to a tow truck driver and screamed for him to get us help. This scared the guys enough that we lost them. Unfortunately, as good of a getaway driver Jeanette had been, she was still a woman, so she took three right turns and there we were again, being chased. We see the police station right in front of us so we pull up outside. Ben is still on the phone with 911. They once again ask our location. Ben fires back "RIGHT OUTSIDE THE POLICE STATION!! HAVE AN OFFICER WALK OUT THE FUCKING DOOR!!!" When we stop Jeanette lowers herself to ghetto level and gets out of the car. She's doing work to the passenger but the driver walks up to my side of the window asking what I said to him, I told him I laughed because he hit a sign, that most people thought that was funny. So, he punched me in the face. Jeanette saved the day and these guys took off. We somehow make it back to her place, case in tact (so was my face), and crack a few beers.
Ben and I eventually get a cab home, the driver saying that, with all honesty, we had the best story he had heard in his years on the job. Ben and I had nothing else to do at that point then cook food... the man literally blanched asparagus at 4:30 in the morning.
Just another day in the life I suppose.
Reminder!!! Send in your stories of you and I! If it happens to match up with a story I will post later I will just add your side of it in. Let's make this awesome. On top of that, if you have a great college story from UNL that doesn't even involve me still send it in. The blog has potential!
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