Anyway... #24.
Being in a fraternity meant that we never had an issue of parties every weekend, specifically we never had an issue with theme parties taking place. It was the fall of 2006 I believe and the theme for the night was a good old fashioned "Stop Light" party. Simple enough rules: Single? Wear green. Happily with someone? Wear red. Filthy whore who lacks morals? Wear yellow. The party was with the ladies of Tri-Delt and was to take place at the Sloan twin's house and was sure to be a good time. So naturally I feel like shit and don't want to go. I wish the kids all the best of luck in their green shirt adventures and hit the hay for the night.
At around 12:30 the first drunken gentlemen start stumbling through the back door, near my bedroom, so I was able to hear their hilarious conversations about what had been happening. Eventually there is a lull in the amount of people coming home that was snapped with what became one hell of an amazing story. Suddenly someone comes in the back door with a girl and he's giving her "The tour".
Now let me take a break from the story here and explain what "The tour" is. When you're talking to a less than sober lady at a party she will naturally ask you where you live. You tell her what house you're in, she always says she's never been there, and you offer her a tour...at two in the morning. Well you don't have to be an Einstein to figure out where that tour always ended. It's like a classier version of asking a girl if she "wants to watch a movie" when you're both seven beers deep. Am I guilty of conducting a tour or nine in my day? Sure. But aren't we all a little?
Anyway, I hear a tour being given, but it's being given by Brad "Pooh Bear" Olson! Not to say Brad isn't a great guy, but at this time he might have been one of the worst guys I knew when it came to women, and was most certainly still "pure" at this point. So I was happy for the guy. Brad start's telling this girl about the hallway or something when she interrupts him and bluntly says "I've had the damn tour, let's just go to your room." Jackpot.
Now if you have ever been around my circle of friends you should already know who I instantly called to come home for this event. Ben Gilmore made it home about 45 seconds after I called him and told him. Turns out every other guy at the party left to make it back for the big event. Before I knew it we had about 10 guys out in the hallway trying to listen through the door what was happening. Which reminds me to tell you all that I heard things through that door that I have never managed to get out of my brain, but I digress. Well Ben Gilmore in all his drunken genius decided he's getting in that room somehow. Ben starts throwing his shoulder into the door, kicking, pushing, and carding to no avail. Brad had managed to slide his desk in front of the door.
Defeated in our goal to share in Brad's big night we retreat to the kitchen for some much needed hydration. While we are standing there we realize that we can see directly into Brad's room. Brad left his TV on during this to muffle out the moans, groans, and other terrifying sounds he was making. But what Brad didn't realize is that by leaving his TV on he was casting the most amazing shadows on the blinds, and we could see everything.
So even though we didn't get inside the room, we had a little peep show. Eventually we stopped and Pooh became a man. The next day we convinced him that the girl had told her sorority sisters that she had drank too much and Brad had raped her. The look on his face was something like this:
Congrats on becoming a man, letting all of us share in your moment, and most importantly, making the list at #24.
Have a fun and safe weekend everyone!
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